OBSESSED!!!

MARIAH. K I am so obsessed with Mariah and everyday I become more and more obsessed. I don't even think it's healthy anymore! I do want to say though - I don't think I am one of those mothers who favor their child because they are (sickly) obsessed and are weirdies. Being a mom has really made me love all kids more in general because I now know and treasure the tender little feelings and realize how much our kids depend on their parents. It really drives me nutty when a parent is nice to their child but super macho with other kids. I just want to squeeze and love and every little child.  I love being a mother and I love my Mariah. He is perfectly naughty and cute and mine!

Next. DIVORCED. Ugh. Bugging me. I hate being divorced. I hate it for a lot of reason even though I know it is completely necessary. I am a lover. I can argue and get mad / mean but at the end of the day I am a lover. I had an AMAZING example of an amazing marriage and family growing up from my parents and siblings. I was taught true love is service, forgiving, selfless, and endurance. When I love people around whether it be friends or family I truly love them. (Obviously) I truly loved Kevin. I still love Kevin. He is family to me because he is Mariah's dad. I don't want to be married to Kevin because Kevin and I are headed two completely different places. And he is kinda annoying ;) ( I say that lovingly ) But I still love Kevin and his family. AND THEN.. I always stress about being able to deal with having a somewhat broken family for the rest of my life. I didn't grow up around divorce. A few friends parents were divorced but I never saw it in my family or experienced any of the drama of divorce. I don't like that Mariah will have 2 dads. It is a foreign situation for me and I just want him to have what I had. (Iespeciallydon'tlikethathewillhaveanother"mom".) BLAH. It is what it is and I will do my best to make our life as smooth and loving and homey as I possibly can. Mariah is loved and I am sure it will only continue to increase and become greater as life goes on.

Last but not least. THE GOSPEL. I can't even say how grateful I am to have it. It is the foundation of everything I believe in, everything I hope for, everything I try to be. It gives me answers, it gives me strength, it gives me comfort. I am absolutely certain there is nothing better. When life feels heavy or media feels filthy or people just seem bad hearted - I can always mosey on over to LDS.org and read a few talks and feel at peace. I love that my religion is based on Love, Forgiveness, Tolerance, and Family. It focuses on everything happy and good and doesn't have any room for judgment or pessimism. I know that sometimes people who are the same faith as me become confused and are judgmental or critical but we each have our own weaknesses and all have room to improve. I love our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ - they have made the perfect plan for us and will never abandon us. I love seeing people - it doesn't matter what religion - that acknowledge God and the good he gives, those are the people I admire and those are the people I like to be surrounded by.

I lovey lovey lovey my baby, my family, my friends, the fall, cute clothes, being a momma, and the opportunity to learn and grow! And you.... <3 ( I don't have any new pics so here is some old ones I love.)