As my good friend Will Smith would say....

.... this chapter of my life is called "HARD WORK".

 Seriously. I don't think I'm much of a complainer usually but being a single parent is in no way easy. And I am 100% a single parent.. mentally, emotionally, physically, financially. I know there are so many people who are single parents and I have a new found compassion for these people. I also know there are harder things in life. But so far in my life.. this has been the hardest. I have seen so many blessings in my life recently though, as its been the toughest it's also the most rewarding. I have been grateful for the lessons I'm learning, the second chances I am getting, and the improvements I see in the making. I look at everything I have to accomplish in a week and I have to sit back and take it one day at a time. Last week I had been working for 7 days straight and work was literally taking me 10 - 12 hours a day... I couldn't wait for my day off so I could clean my house, catch up on laundry and just have a moment to pay attention to Mariah or just sit and do nothing. So my day off came - Mariah woke me up around 8 and after breakfast I went straight to cleaning. ( I would just like to note... I HATE cleaning, and growing up I usually weaseled my way out of it.. one of the pros of being # 4 of 9 kids ;) ) Anyways, Mariah went down for a nap and I got into deep cleaning, while I was deep cleaning (which I hate even more then just cleaning) I was starting to feel super overwhelmed and I may have started crying - but the impression that this was preparing me to be such a better in me in the future hit me.. and all I could do was laugh and say "Okay God, I get it." I do feel like every trial in my life right now is refining me and preparing me to receive something amazing in the future. My dad always reminded us growing up "Where much is given, much is required." It's the perfect thought for me right now. When I get remarried, I want to marry my BEST friend, I will get married in the temple, my husband will be a true Christian (LDS) through and through, and he will have the desire to go above and beyond the ability to care for, love, and provide for our family. I would never settle for anything less. I know that my husby sounds pretty close to perfect and so I keep telling myself .. "Where much is given, much is required." This is why I am so grateful for all the hard work I have been given to do - Because I know that at some point in my future I will be blessed for my perseverance, faith, and willingness to do everything in my power to make the best life for Mariah and myself.

On a side note - having an ex you cant ever get rid of is also hard. Sorry Kev - while I think your a cool guy.. your not my fav. Surprise, I know. Kevin and I really try to keep the drama to a minimal and just know that we both LOVE Mariah and that somewhere deep down we really want the best for each other. That is sometimes hard for me to remember when I see Kev doing things I disagree with, things he promised me he would never do, and things he said never mattered. BUT - It's not my problem, it doesn't affect my personal life anymore, and I will do my best to help it not affect Mariah's. Kevin is a good person, but he is also a very young and for lack of a better word - naive person. So while I love him, I cant stand him. (Right now.)

Another short story and a short run! Kim (my older sister) and I ran ... well more like jogged ... a 5k today. We did it this morning in SLC before the big parade. I am really trying to get back to running like I used to and Kim is wanting to get way into running too so when she called me up and said lets do this I was like totally! It was a good preview for what I can look forward to in Sept. as well and now Oct. Kim and I are running a 6k which is an all girl run and the theme is "Love your body". Love it. Anyways Kim and I finished in like 35 minutes today which we decided was great for us considering our lack of preparation for the run and Kim had a baby less then 7 months ago!! I know she's amaze. So we loved it and we got our first medal. So what if they gave everyone a medal, and one side says Mcdonald's... Its a metal!! :) So after the run that was at 7am ( I literally slept MAYBE 2.5 hours the night before ) we walked around SLC for a few HRS and then headed over to the "this is the place" park and did some fun things with the kids like pony rides, a petting zoo, a mini parade and some other fun stuff. I headed home from our day around 3pm and I was sooo exhausted! I couldn't wait to get home and nap! Mariah of course fell asleep in the car and we got home about an hour later... needless to say.. Mariah didn't feel like napping... and I felt like crying. So after a little bit of struggle trying to get Mariah to just take a nap because I was ready to die.. I gave up and I turned on a movie for him and then went to sleep in my bed.. Mariah felt like that wasn't such a great idea and stood beside my bed and pulled my hair, or hit the bed until I looked at him and then he smiled like YAY you are alive time to play mom, so I got up after probably 20 minutes and decided Okay I am going to say a small prayer and ask for a break RIGHT now if it doesnt happen then fine, but I think I deserve and I think He knows that. So I got Mariah and put him in his crib again, laid in my bed, said a small prayer in my head and 15 minutes later he was SLEEPING! I literally like laughed out loud to myself because I knew it was a small miracle and my prayer was answered! I got a 2 hour nap, Mariah slept for 3 and God is good people. He's so aware of us and our needs and with a little work on our part he is just waiting to give us small little miracles like these!

Kim and I after our fun run!

 Mariah's new puzzle I got for one dollar and fifty cents at winco while grocery shopping. Love a good deal!

 My house for the last few days...

 Mariah and uncle Brett watching monsters inc and Grandma using my computer.

Lets be honest... How could you want to sleep instead of hang out with that adorable face???

Well for starters... only sleep 2.5 hours, then wake early early to run a run with your sis you didnt prepare for, then walk 234 miles directly after run....................................

My FIRST race!!! How exciting RIGHT!!

So I just registered for my first of many races! I am doing this race because I love the cause. I have always wanted to volunteer in a third world country but when I had Mariah that had to be put off for a LONG time. I will adopt a baby (or two) from a third world country and I hope to be part of some organization that reachs out and has a positive effect on these little ones. I'm so excited to be training and doing something that I have always wanted to do.. two things with this race :)

Info on the race.. and yes I will be donating my shoes! A great reason to upgrade to some newtons right?!

The Racing the Cane Foundation is committed to improving the lives of these children in the Dominican Republic’s sugarcane fields. Our goal is to encourage local community involvement in raising both scholarship funds and shoes for distribution.  During this year’s Racing Cane event, runners will have the opportunity to collect and donate shoes. After the race we will journey to the Dominican Republic to distribute the shoes and host a free running event for the children there. Part of your registration fee will go towards sponsoring Dominican children to attend English academies, as those who speak English have a greater chance of attaining further education, becoming employed, and thus breaking out of the sugarcane fields. We believe that education and enterprise can help stop the cycle of poverty and give these children the option of a better life. Come join us and the Racing the Cane Foundation for this important event. All 10k and 5k runners will be chip timed, receive gender specific Tech Shirts, and enjoy a party at the finish line with Magelby’s Fresh breakfast, massages, bounce houses and face painting for kids!

Happing Running!

Ahh today was such a productive day it just didn't feel right to not blog as well! I have had so much to do this last few days with just getting back into town, working like crazy ( from home remember? :) ) and catching up on trip laundry and mess pulled into the house from a few weeks in the car. So I officially am caught up on work, started my gym routine, have a clean home, a clean car, and am back into the swing of things in Mariah's and my life! FEELS SO GOOD <3

So I yesterday was not such a great day.. I felt really overwhelmed with life in general. I felt so heavy like I just needed a big breath of air. I asked God to give me the strength and motivation to keep things going, and today that prayer was more then answered. I have felt so positive all day - I felt so blessed for the trials and experiences I have been given. I feel blessed knowing that I don't hold onto to bitter feelings and that I will have a lot of love in my life because of this. I am so glad to my little 'Riah with me too. One of my favorite times is in the morning when he wakes me up from his crib, I pull him into my bed and we snuggle! He loves loves loves cuddling up in blankets.. Which I love because I have always loved having a big comfy comforter and lots of pillows to cuddle up in. He is such a blessing in my life. I love the things that being his Mom is teaching me and the way it is refining me. I love that he goes to nursery in like 7 weeks too.. hahah BUT seriously for all you mothers that have a toddler and try to sit in sacrament and then through two classes... yeah right. At least with Mariah. We do sacrament and then we go home! But 7 more weeks and then he has all his new nursery friends to entertain... he will be missed. ( Not. )

So a few weeks ago Annie came to Utah to help me for a weeks. Love that girl. My Uncle Ron and Auntie Thelma came to visit from Aussie land. It was a lot of fun catching up with them and getting to know them a little better. And then Bethanie came for a few days and we headed to Az to find those two an apartment! They are moving there next month for school and some new stomping ground. I'm so excited for them. Arizona has a great young scene and is warm when we are snowy for like 90% of the year! It was a fun but really short trip. I got to meet up for brunch with one of my best friends who I met in az a few years ago while I was living there. I really love that girl. She is a true friend. It was fun catching up and reminiscing... but it left we wanting more! I cant wait to be out there again and have more time with her. Then we came to Utah for a few days and then left to Idaho for the 4th of July. We went up to McCall, Idaho which is just gorgeous. We stayed in my families cabin and then jet skiied all day for the 4th. Watched the fireworks over the lake. Mariah and I got our first solid tan for the summer! And we had some quality family time with Kev, Mariah, and myself. It was a great trip.

Well its almost midnight and I am SO exhausted ... but here are a few pics... Enjoy :)

Love.

Yesterday Mariah and I were playing outside at my parents home, at the end of the patio around their house there is a step and Mariah is usually fearless and just goes and does but for some reason he ran to the end, stopped, looked up at me and held out his hand, when I took it he then stepped down and kept going. It's little moments like these that your child calls you to your role of being a Mother. Small and simple but I hope and pray that Mariah will do the same thing over and over until he is 100! I love my little man and I love how he teaches me things all the time just out of simple love and has literally changed who I am for the best. He is my fav.