Seriously. I don't think I'm much of a complainer usually but being a single parent is in no way easy. And I am 100% a single parent.. mentally, emotionally, physically, financially. I know there are so many people who are single parents and I have a new found compassion for these people. I also know there are harder things in life. But so far in my life.. this has been the hardest. I have seen so many blessings in my life recently though, as its been the toughest it's also the most rewarding. I have been grateful for the lessons I'm learning, the second chances I am getting, and the improvements I see in the making. I look at everything I have to accomplish in a week and I have to sit back and take it one day at a time. Last week I had been working for 7 days straight and work was literally taking me 10 - 12 hours a day... I couldn't wait for my day off so I could clean my house, catch up on laundry and just have a moment to pay attention to Mariah or just sit and do nothing. So my day off came - Mariah woke me up around 8 and after breakfast I went straight to cleaning. ( I would just like to note... I HATE cleaning, and growing up I usually weaseled my way out of it.. one of the pros of being # 4 of 9 kids ;) ) Anyways, Mariah went down for a nap and I got into deep cleaning, while I was deep cleaning (which I hate even more then just cleaning) I was starting to feel super overwhelmed and I may have started crying - but the impression that this was preparing me to be such a better in me in the future hit me.. and all I could do was laugh and say "Okay God, I get it." I do feel like every trial in my life right now is refining me and preparing me to receive something amazing in the future. My dad always reminded us growing up "Where much is given, much is required." It's the perfect thought for me right now. When I get remarried, I want to marry my BEST friend, I will get married in the temple, my husband will be a true Christian (LDS) through and through, and he will have the desire to go above and beyond the ability to care for, love, and provide for our family. I would never settle for anything less. I know that my husby sounds pretty close to perfect and so I keep telling myself .. "Where much is given, much is required." This is why I am so grateful for all the hard work I have been given to do - Because I know that at some point in my future I will be blessed for my perseverance, faith, and willingness to do everything in my power to make the best life for Mariah and myself.
On a side note - having an ex you cant ever get rid of is also hard. Sorry Kev - while I think your a cool guy.. your not my fav. Surprise, I know. Kevin and I really try to keep the drama to a minimal and just know that we both LOVE Mariah and that somewhere deep down we really want the best for each other. That is sometimes hard for me to remember when I see Kev doing things I disagree with, things he promised me he would never do, and things he said never mattered. BUT - It's not my problem, it doesn't affect my personal life anymore, and I will do my best to help it not affect Mariah's. Kevin is a good person, but he is also a very young and for lack of a better word - naive person. So while I love him, I cant stand him. (Right now.)
Another short story and a short run! Kim (my older sister) and I ran ... well more like jogged ... a 5k today. We did it this morning in SLC before the big parade. I am really trying to get back to running like I used to and Kim is wanting to get way into running too so when she called me up and said lets do this I was like totally! It was a good preview for what I can look forward to in Sept. as well and now Oct. Kim and I are running a 6k which is an all girl run and the theme is "Love your body". Love it. Anyways Kim and I finished in like 35 minutes today which we decided was great for us considering our lack of preparation for the run and Kim had a baby less then 7 months ago!! I know she's amaze. So we loved it and we got our first medal. So what if they gave everyone a medal, and one side says Mcdonald's... Its a metal!! :) So after the run that was at 7am ( I literally slept MAYBE 2.5 hours the night before ) we walked around SLC for a few HRS and then headed over to the "this is the place" park and did some fun things with the kids like pony rides, a petting zoo, a mini parade and some other fun stuff. I headed home from our day around 3pm and I was sooo exhausted! I couldn't wait to get home and nap! Mariah of course fell asleep in the car and we got home about an hour later... needless to say.. Mariah didn't feel like napping... and I felt like crying. So after a little bit of struggle trying to get Mariah to just take a nap because I was ready to die.. I gave up and I turned on a movie for him and then went to sleep in my bed.. Mariah felt like that wasn't such a great idea and stood beside my bed and pulled my hair, or hit the bed until I looked at him and then he smiled like YAY you are alive time to play mom, so I got up after probably 20 minutes and decided Okay I am going to say a small prayer and ask for a break RIGHT now if it doesnt happen then fine, but I think I deserve and I think He knows that. So I got Mariah and put him in his crib again, laid in my bed, said a small prayer in my head and 15 minutes later he was SLEEPING! I literally like laughed out loud to myself because I knew it was a small miracle and my prayer was answered! I got a 2 hour nap, Mariah slept for 3 and God is good people. He's so aware of us and our needs and with a little work on our part he is just waiting to give us small little miracles like these!
Well for starters... only sleep 2.5 hours, then wake early early to run a run with your sis you didnt prepare for, then walk 234 miles directly after run....................................
i love my nephy! seriously he is so cute, can he come live with me? :) and you and kim look fabbbo annnd i miss my father and broskis' :(
ReplyDeletep.s. I wanna be in the running group.. I shall train. Ragnar in Feb!!